Ever tasted that excruciating, life changing, painful sting called death?
I have and here's how it feels.
Death is like an open wound that never seems to heal. It's finality is confusing and it's reality leaves you with deep bruising.
The pain of NEVER seeing, touching or talking to that person again is crippling. I often ask why and question if this is really my reality.
Death brings on emotions that only the strong can handle. It leaves you in a state of shock! Your heart is just shattered and you're left in a bubble, floating while trying to find strategies to cope and survive.
Unfortunately for me, I've faced DEATH twice in my life. I loss two of my favorite men. Their deaths have changed my life and this journey is literally a battle to remain sane and push through to survive.
Both men were amazing, loving, loyal and extremely special to me. They played different, yet pivotal roles in my life and I LOVE them immensely!
The first was my brother who was murdered brutally. The other was the absolute love of my life, who passed away suddenly. I will never forget the way we looked each other in the eyes as we said goodbye.
Imagine a sharp knife slowing piercing through your skin. It finally touches your heart; you're alive, but deep within it feels like you're dying.
THIS IS MY REALITY!
The pain, the confusion, the anger, the frustration, the loneliness, the heartbreak, the weakness and mental challenges; these are the thoughts and feelings I carry with me daily.
I often describe this season of my life as an emotional roller coaster ride. The reality of death hits at the most random moments. It gets makes you weak, gets you nauseous and many times you feel like you're unable to even stand to your two feet.
As I journey daily, their voices ring in my ears, their scents suddenly appear. While driving I often see people that resemble them and I have regular flashbacks of my happy life with them.
Honestly, I am still learning how to cope but I put my faith and trust in God and rely heavily on the book of Job.
As painful as it may be, I am living MY TRUTH. Writing is my healing and biggest form of release. It totally sets me free!
My stories are testimonies and I want to share them with you. I pray that they will be a form of healing for those of you that struggle like I do.
I encourage you to follow me on this amazing, yet life changing blogging journey.
Come JOURNEY with me!